Love, Peace and Slaying!
by Deadly Beauty1
Summary: It's weird. It's really weird. It's a Buffy/Trigun crossover, made by me and my friend Missangel. It's a normal episode of Buffy, only with the Trigun characters playing their roles! And it's weird. Even more weird than Legato licking Vash' arm..


  
Deadly: 'Okay. Now beware. Me and my friend here..'  
Missangel: 'That's me. *waves to the camera* Gee, I'm in a fic! That's just so cool.. you think we can but Billy and Joel in it?'  
Deadly: 'NO! This is a Buffy/Trigun fic, you fan girl..'  
Missangel: '…damn.'  
Deadly: 'O.o Okay.. now, this is the idea: it's a episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But somehow, all of the actors are gone..on vacation, on a party, in another dimension.. you name it. So, we have some new actors! And those are from the wonderful..'  
Missangel: 'Of just plain stupid, depends how you look at it.'  
Deadly: *hits Missangel* How can an anime like this be stupid?? I mean, look at the bishies! Vash, Legato, Wolfwood, Legato, Knives, Legato, Midvalley, Legato.. *dreams*'  
Missangel: 'Legato is a freak.'  
Deadly: 'So not. But anyway! The actors are from the WONDERFUL anime Trigun, and well.. they might fall out of their role sometimes :P We thought it was funny.'  
Missangel: 'Then again, we do have a strange sense of humor.'  
Deadly: '..yeah. Anyway, let's tell our bishies which role they get!'  
Trigun characters: *look afraid*  
Deadly: XD '…Buffy is, of course our hero: Vash!'  
Knives: 'Why don't I get to be the hero?'  
Missangel: 'Because you're mean.'  
Knives: *sigh..*  
Deadly: 'yeah.. you're mean. Willow is no one other than.. Milly!'  
Milly: 'What? Did I win pudding?'  
Deadly: 'No, you get to play Willow.'  
Milly: '..Oh. *eats pudding*'  
Missangel: 'How can you EAT that? I can understand the donuts, but pudding..'  
Milly: 'It's nice! Wanna taste?'  
Missangel: 'IEW! No!'  
Deadly: '…-_- okay. Dawn is played by.. EG mine!'  
Vash: 'O.O'  
Meryl: 'O.O'  
Milly: '…^_O'  
Wolfwood: 'O.O'  
Legato: '/O.\\'  
Knives: 'O.O'  
Deadly: 'WHAT? EG is just as lame as Dawn is.. he's perfect for that role!'  
Legato: *walks away from Deadly*  
Deadly: 'HEY! Come here you hottie! *hugs Legato* Okay. Let's move on. Anya is played by Meryl..'  
Meryl: 'No time!'  
Deadly: 'Shut up and let me get this over with! Okay, your wonderful nearly husband Xander will be played by Midvalley..'  
Midvalley: *evil laugh*  
Meryl: 'O.O You want me to DIE?'  
Deadly: 'Good guess. Okay..'  
Missangel: 'Let me do the rest! ^_^ Spike is played by Legato..'  
Vash: 'Oh god.. you want me to kiss HIM?'  
Missangel: 'Can't help it. *points to Deadly* she loves yaoi. And she adores VashXLegato yaoi.  
Vash: 'O.O'  
Legato: '…yay^_^'  
Knives: *slaps Legato*  
Legato: 'Sorry Master'  
Missangel: '..O.o this is freaky..anyway, Tara is played by Dominique..'  
Dominique: 'WHAT??! I want to be Buffy! I want to kiss Legato ^_^'  
Deadly: 'We'll get you two a kissing scene, don't worry.'  
Legato: *falls to his knees, crying*  
Dominique: 'Really?'   
Deadly: 'Really. *keeps her fingers crossed* Move on.'  
Missangel: 'Giles is played by Rem..'  
Rem: How nice!'  
Deadly: 'Finally, someone who's satisfied with his role..'  
Missangel: '..And Wesley is played by Wolfwood.'  
Wolfwood: 'O.O'  
Rem: 'O.O'  
Deadly: '…-_-'  
Vash: '..But..Wolfwood never met Rem..'  
Deadly: 'Who cares. My fic, my rules.'  
Legato: '…damn you..'  
Deadly: '*Kisses Legato* I know you love me^_^'  
Missangel: '..O.O Okay, and finally, the Master is played by Knives.'  
Knives: '..The Master.. I think I like that..'  
Deadly: 'Thought you would.'  
Vash: 'You know..there's something wrong.. you talk about the Master..who was in season 1. But Tara and Spike weren't there yet in season 1..and Spike and Buffy and Tara and Willow weren't in love yet..and we miss Wesley and Dawn in season 1..'  
Deadly: 'Oh god. A buffy fan. Yeah, you're right, but we just couldn't see Knives as Glory. That's just.. wrong.'  
Everyone: '*tries to see Knives in a dress and long blonde hair, painting his nails*'  
Everyone: '*nods* Extremely wrong..'  
Deadly: 'Okay? Everyone ready? Then finally.. let the show begin! ^_^'  
_Love, Peace and Slaying!_  
Sunnydale.. under the two burning suns that you can't see now because otherwise all the vampires would burn and Buffy would have no job, the slayer lives. she, eh.. he..whatever, stands alone against the terror of vampires, demons and donuts that make you feel sick because your grandma doesn't know how to cook proper donuts..  
At night, Buffy does what he always does: saving us from these horrible things. Look, there he is, he runs on the graveyard, chasing some evil demon. *creepy music*   
Vash: 'come back here! I'm going to get you anyway! I always win, because I'm the good guy, ehm, I mean *serious mode* Because I am the slayer, I was chosen to protect this generation and promote love and peace, I mean, no biting!'  
*some demon throws an empty bottle at Buffy, which hits him, and he falls on the ground* Buffy: ouch! Why is it that I always get hurt, no matter what series I play in??! *cries*'   
Then, Spike appears out of nowhere like he always does, and would scare the hell out of normal people, but of course, our hero isn't normal so he isn't scared(makes sense, could you be scared of a gorgeous guy like..Legato, I mean Spike?)   
  
Spike: 'I could have been worse. You could have been that guy from Cowboy Bebop.' Buffy looks at him while angrily kicking some useless things, like she always does when she is mad 'You mean that one with the funny hair?' Spike nods. *emotional music, butterflies everywhere, suddenly there are flowers everywhere* Buffy: 'oh Spike! what would I do without you!'   
Spike: 'finally! I love you! Come, my darling butterfly, I mean slayer!' *music stops, butterflies fly away and flowers are dead* Buffy: 'Stop dreaming. You are disgusting.' He runs away, while Spike screams 'Plant hugger! I mean, Bitch!' and walks away.  
Buffy comes home, where he walks into the kitchen, finding Dawn there. He is looking at some new stolen things, but quickly grabs his homework as Buffy comes in and puts on his most innocent smile. 'Hi sweetie' Buffy says, unaware of his sister being a thief(he can be a little slow sometimes, you know. But hey, he's only human! A human with super powers, but still only human!)  
  
And he asks his sweet little baby sister if he wants something to eat. On that, Dawn replies, with her normal annoying 'you don't care about me!' voice: 'NO I have already eaten.' Being the good girl, boy I mean, that he is, Buffy pretends to be hurt by looking very innocent and sweet, then says 'okay' and walks into the living room, where Tara and Willow are.  
He sees Tara and Willow hugging and feels like he is too much(poor him!). He gives them her typical 'ahem!' Tara turns around and screams 'get off you bitch! eeeeeh I mean, hi Buffy! home already??' Buffy is silent for a while, then says '..yes, there weren't many donuts, I mean demons. To chase I mean, not to eat.' Willow chuckles in a very Milly like way and gets up,telling some stupid excuse for her and Tara to go upstairs. Now, our poor Buffy is all alone again, so he decides to call Xander. To talk. Not do anything else, just talk. with Xander. The guy who was secretly in love with him, but now is about to marry a demon.  
  
He calls. After a while, the phone is answered. Anya: 'What do you want?' *Xander in the background: 'Honey.. honey that isn't the right way to answer a phone..'* Buffy hears they were in the middle of something, since Anya sounds even more annoyed than usual, and Xander sounds even more exhausted than he is when he climbs up one stair. 'Yeah, hi, Buffy here.' He says. 'Am I interrupting anything? 'Well, YES!' Anya says angry 'Xander was playing saxophone for me!' The phone is grabbed out of Anya's hand, and she hears Xander 'Hi Buffy! Anything wrong? Demon chasing you? Vampires kidnapped Dawn? No? Worse then? You ran out of donuts? Please don't say that is it!' Buffy: 'No, I was bored.' In the background, she hears Anya saying 'BORED? How can a slayer be bored? Tell her to kill some demons or if she gets tired of that, screw one.'   
When she hears that, Buffy is so disgusted by the thought of screwing a demon, or even worse: SPIKE, she throws the phone away. Luckily, it isn't broken because phones are expensive. She thinks of what to do with this boring night, and just sits.. and sits.. and sits.. *one of those flashing 'Angel' scene changers which make you get a heart attack every time you see them*   
You see the Master sitting on a very nice looking chair, with all kind of beautiful female vampires around him. He looks bored. Master: 'I am bored' You see? He is bored. He calls on one of his slaves, so they can think of something for him to do. Master: 'I am bored. Think of something, or else I'll cut your head off for no reason, like every bad guy seems to do. It is the latest trend you know...every bad guy cuts head off...torturing is so last century'  
*suddenly, the entire screen is black, and we see Angel on the screen, looking pissed. Angel: 'If you steal my scene changes one more time, I'll suck your blood out 'till you are dryer than my grandma's hair!' The screen is black again and we are back with the Master, who is still looking bored.  
Master: 'well, slave?' Trembling slave who is actually an actor who spent the last four hours in the make up: '..maybe we can get that spike guy? You like him, don't You?' the master licks his lips, and looks satisfied as the vampire girls look jealous 'No, I want the slayer!' Somewhere, off screen, someone whose name isn't important, screams 'how original!'   
As expected from a super evil vampire Master, the next moment this person is dust. Watch and learn kiddies.  
As the Master is thinking of a brilliant plan, we go to Spike who is drinking in the Bronze. Of course, he knows there are vampires in the back door. He is drinking some beer, feeling all tough and cursing Buffy. Suddenly, a vampire stands next to him. As expected from a cool vampire like he is, he isn't surprised and says 'what the fuck do you want.' you see, Spike knows how to be cool.   
  
The vampire says the Master wants to see him. He jumps off his chair and looks at the vampire with big hearts in his eyes 'The master?? Do you know why?? Is he finally confessing his love to me? does he finally want to spend an entire night with me, us making sweet love until the sun comes up and we both burn into eternal death and loving??' Then, he remembers he is a cool vampire and not a gay psychopath, so he sits down again and asks 'what does the bastard want?'  
  
The vampire doesn't say so, because they never say what the masters plan is, but Spike is curious and says 'Let's hear what the bloody guy has to say' and follows the vampire. He does this because otherwise there would be no evil thingies happening and this would be a VERY boring episode.  
He follows the master, but we don't get to see what happens there. Why not, you say? Because you never get to see what the bad guy wants, because that would make it boring too. So, we skip back to one of the good guys. Let's see what Buffy is doing. She is watching TV and eating donuts. She actually destroyed the phone now, because Giles kept calling her to say donuts are bad for humanity.  
We skip to Tara and Willow, who are both sitting on their bed, looking at each other. Tara: 'I'm under your command, Lega-I mean, your spell, Willow!' Willow is just staring with a very weird look in her eyes that is supposed to be romantic. Tara snaps her fingers in front of Willow and says 'hello? anybody home?' Willow just continues to stare with big manga girl eyes.  
After a while, Tara gives up. She stands up, and says 'fuck that' Somewhere off screen, the director screams 'Dominique! Tara doesn't say fuck and she especially doesn't say fuck to Willow!' Dominique looks angry and screams 'what do you want me to do? They promised me a nice kissing scene between me and Legato!' The director just says 'plot change!'  
Somewhere on the set, Legato falls on his knees and plays to all the gods he knows.  
Dominique sits back on the bed, as the filming continues. Tara walks away, planning to get Buffy or anyone who might know why Willow is acting so strange. Don't you think she's a smart little girl? *hugs Tara* Ahem. So, she walks downstairs, and she finds buffy in their pool full of donuts, swimming.  
  
She decides this is too strange and she thinks it is wise not to disturb Buffy, so she walks out of the door, entering the car that was parked right in front of the door, and drives away, going to the man she always goes to for advice, the wisest man ever, the only one who can always save everyone: Legato Bluesum…eeeeer, no, Giles! Off screen, the director curses Dominique for her silly obsession with Legato. She parks the car right before his house, of course there was no one there yet, and she rings the doorbell.  
  
'Stop…' Giles said 'Now stop, didn't you hear the doorbell?' She pulls away from a sad looking Wesley who was kissing her 'But Giles!' 'Nono..' Giles says with her English accent 'Now, hide in the closet! Quickly! We don't know who it is and I don't want anyone to find out we are dating! Especially not Buffy!' 'Why not?' Wesley says 'You are in love with here, aren't you! Well?? WELL??' 'For Gods sake..' Giles says and pushes Wesley in the closet 'Now, stay silent.' And she walked to the door where Tara was almost getting RSI from ringing the doorbell so much.  
'Tara!' Giles says as she opened the door. She takes of her glasses and cleans them, as she invites Tara in. Inside, Tara sits down and receives tea from Giles. 'Why are you visiting me?' Giles asks. From the closet, Wesley is watching. He is watching from those small openings that are always in movie doors so the character who is in it can watch the conversation. He is trying to smoke, but stops when he almost suffocates. 'So that's why God forbids smoking..' he thinks, and mentally notice to tell that back home at the church.  
'Well..' Tara says, as she tells her story which I'm not going to tell you because you already know. So, this is the ideal place for one of those annoying commercial breaks. See you later!  
  
_after the commercial break_  
Giles is sitting in the chair, cleaning her glasses and looking very surprised 'Good Lord!' 'do you know what it is?'Tara says. 'Yes!' Giles screams and shows Tara a very old book with a very fancy drawing of a not so fancy demon in it. ' A *insert stupid old sounding name here* ?' Giles runs around the house, grabbing weapons and opens the closet, where Wesley falls out. Wesley: 'HEY!' He lays on the ground, looking for his sunglasses who are still in the dark closet. A loud chrash is heard when Tara stands on the sunglasses. Wesley: 'HEY!' Tara: 'Stop acting stupid. Wesley does not wear sunglasses, he's a geek remember.' Wesley: 'Tara doesn't have the hots for Spike either, so shut up!' Tara:'I do not have the hots for Spike!' While Tara is beating poor Wesley, Giles runs away, carrying weapons and books. Wesley: 'HEY! Giles, wait for me!' Tara: 'And for me! Don't leave me here with him!' They run to Giles who waited in the car, tells them they are immature and drives away(with them in the car).  
  
Giles is driving, Tara sits next to him and Wesley is crawling in the backseat. Smart as she is, Giles notices and asks 'Wesley what are you doing?' Wesley sits on his knees, looking down on the floor saying 'There is a mouse in your car Giles, I'm afraid of mousses!' Tara sighs and says 'what kind of watcher are you anyway??' Wesley murmurs 'a funeral one' while he is still searching for the mouse. Giles and Tara decide to ignore that while they keep on driving, to the Magic Shop!  
  
Meanwhile, in the Magic Shop, Anya and Xander are... done playing saxophone and are now helping customers, earning money and counting money. Anya mainly does the last thing. Anya: 'oh darling look! Aren't all those little coins lovely?? Look!' Xander says they are lovely and they are not meant for doing stupid dances with them. On that, Anya begins whining that Xander doesn't respect her for who she is and more bullshit like that. For some reason, all of the customers walk out of the shop as Xander begins to comfort her saying sweet things, he holds her very tight, they look into each others eyes, their lips almost touch and....  
  
And the door opens, Tara, Wesley, Giles and a tiny mouse run into the shop! That is so mean, don't you think? Anya: 'that is so rude! Have you people never heard of knocking?' (see? Anya agrees!) Tara: 'since when do you have to knock in a store?' Wesley: 'since the owners are..' Giles: 'that's enough already! Anya, do you know where Buffy is?' Anya: '…home?' Wesley: 'how logical.' Giles glares at Wesley who laughs very Wolfwood like and then shows the picture of the demon to Anya, who recognises it, she says she dated with one of those once. Xander looks at the picture of the disgusting, slimy creature and begins to worry a bit less about his looks..  
  
They decide they should go to Buffy and let her kill it. So, they all leave the magic shop, go the the Buffy Mobile, I mean, the car, and drive away. Easy, isn't it?  
Meanwhile, Spike is still with the Master! He helped him get the slimy demon out of Hell, and they think Buffy will arrive soon(no they aren't telepathic, she just does that every episode). Because she isn't there yet, the Master is bored and he and Spike are talking a bit.   
Master: '..*talk*'  
Spike: *stares at Master with a very teeny-girl-in-love look, slaps himself and looks cool again, but returns to the in love look after a few seconds *  
Master: 'Why do you look at me like that? Aren't you with Buffy?'  
Spike: 'You are beauti-I mean! I wonder how many years it takes a vampire to get as ugly as you are. It's quite unique.'  
Master: 'Thank you. I think.'  
Spike: 'No problem.'  
Master: 'So, how long will it take for Buffy to get here, you think?'  
Spike: 'Well, she doesn't notice there is something wrong, so someone else notices it. Then, they ask Giles who knows exactly in which of his hundreds book is the right demon, then they tell Buffy, they first check the graveyard and my place,then come here, so I guess.. now.'  
  
As if it was supposed to happen that way, the door bursts open, and Buffy stands there, with the rest of the gang behind him. He walks to the Master, and then sees Spike next to him. The Master smiles creepy, and some vampires come out of nowhere and start to fight Buffy and her friends.  
Soon, only Buffy is left, since the others ran away/are lying on the floor being useless/something else, and all vampires are dead. Buffy looks at Spike, and pretends he is hurt when he says 'Spike! I honestly didn't think you would do something like this!' Spike just looks cool 'It's an evil thing baby' 'Don't call me baby!' Buffy screams.  
  
They keep on arguing like that, and the Master looks around, feeling useless and pretty stupid. Because bad guys, and especially ugly bad guys don't like to be bored, he screams a weird demon name and Spike and Buffy stop chatting for a moment and look at the Master.  
  
'Excuse me, what did you say?' Spike asks. 'Don't you know it's very rude to interrupt people?'   
Buffy says 'I so agree with you Buffy.' Spike says, with a charming smile. Buffy looks at him one second, then looks around to see if all of her friends are truly gone, then kisses Spike. The Master first looks disgusted, then disappointed, then sad and begins to cry. Buffy and Spike stop kissing and look at the ugly vampire crying. Buffy: '..O.O' Spike: '../O.\\, I mean, O.O' The Master is still crying and says 'I thought you were with me! Don't you love me, Leggy? I am your Master, you know! You should be happy to be with me.. *sniffles*' Spike frees himself from Buffy's embrace and runs to the Master, hugging him 'Master, I'm sorry, I love you! I do!' And he begins to cry too. Buffy sweatdrops as she watches these villians hug and cry like babies.  
Then, our saviour comes: the director! He runs on the set, separates Knives and Legato, and screams that there will be no 'freaky yaoi stuff in this fic!' because he claims that 'unlike those Trigun fans, Buffy is watched by NORMAL people!' Knives and Legato look very surprised by hearing the word 'normal' as they stand up to get a dictionary. The director sighs, and decides they should go on with the scene.   
  
Suddenly, a huge demon enters the scene! It's very slimy..and gross..and will give your little sister nightmares. So beware. Or embrace, your choice. Buffy stands and kicks the demon. And he kicks her. And she falls. And stands up again. And kicks again. And falls again.. and kicks..[Commodus mode] and again..and again..and again..again..and..again.[/Commodus mode] The demon disappears in flames and the Master runs away, screaming something about 'I'll get you sometime Buffy!' Spike just stands there, looking at Buffy. They walk to each other.. there's some romantic music in the background..(don't ask me where that comes from..)..and..and..  
And then Xander jumps on spike and slaps him, screaming that he should leave Buffy alone! Buffy gets him off and gives Spike a nasty look..  
_CUT!_   
  
Legato: 'Why? I haven't done anything! Why are they mad at me?'  
Director: *sighs* That's Buffy! They're always mad at Spike! Get used to it!  
  
_ACTION!_  
  
...and spike just runs away. All of the friends return, they stare a bit at the place where the demon vannished and suddenly we are at the Summers house again, where Willow is back to normal, of course..what would a show be without Willow?  
  
Tara: 'So, what happened?'  
Buffy: 'You wanna know?'  
Tara: 'Not really.'  
Buffy: 'Good. *eats donut*'  
Willow: 'Don't those things make you fat?'  
Buffy: 'Not me. I'm the king, I mean, queen of donuts.'  
Willow: 'Oh.'  
They all just stare a bit, and then Tara walks away, claiming she has 'things to do' We really don't want to know what those things are. Willow and Buffy stare at each other.  
  
Buffy: 'Want a donut?'  
Willow: 'Won't it make me fat?'  
Buffy: 'Does pudding make you fat?'  
Willow: '..No.'  
Buffy: 'So screw that. *gives a donut* '  
Willow: 'Yeah you're right.'  
We zoom out of the house, and in the garden, a little Kuroneko lies..  
  
Kuroneko 'Nya.'  
  
THE END!  
Deadly: 'Liked that?'  
Missangel: '^_^ You know.. I'm wondering..are there actually Trigun fans who love Buffy? Or Buffy fans who love Trigun?'  
Deadly: 'Of course! Morgan..and Qimm..and me..'  
Missangel: '....'  
Deadly: 'We don't hate Buffy by the way'  
Missangel: 'Nope.'  
Deadly: 'We love it. We just thought this would be fun.'  
Missangel: 'YOU thought this would be fun.'  
Deadly: '..yeah. But it was. Wasn't it?'  
Missangel: '..Yeah. Anything else?'  
Deadly: 'Yeah, everyone please review ^_^ we want to know if this is a cool story..'  
Missangel: 'And if they say it sucks?'  
Deadly: 'I'm gonna cry.'  
Missangel: 'Oh god.. please review everyone!'  
Deadly: '^_^'  
  
Nya.  



End file.
